How to handle it when holidays are difficult

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SUBSCRIBE to TIME Magazine Yep, parental friends, it's that time again. This is me, every year: "I'm going to make this the Christmas we don't buy ANY junk." This is also me: "Oooooh, light up musical T-shirts!!! Hilarious." Our tradition is to have a stocking which is filled with small presents and then one big present under the tree. I have to say, I wish I had started us off with something more modest. If your kids are young, take my advice before it's too late: whether it's Chanukah or Christmas, don't overdo it. You're making a rod for your back. Just give them a nicely wrapped empty box, or a non swallowable shell or block of smooth wood something in their first year and work up slightly from there. Maybe an apple by the time they're three. I know the gifts are not the point of Christmas. I know that not getting gifts builds resilience. I know that we have somehow merchandized beyond all recognition this celebration of improbable hope piercing the darkness. And yet, I am a sucker for the dopamine hit of seeing genuine delight on a child's face. I am not strong enough to withstand the slightly disappointed look they have if I give them, say, a note that lets them know a donation was made in their name. But you can save yourselves! Take it easy! Yes, I know I'm going to hear from a bunch of readers on how they have gift giving season all worked out so it's not madness. I welcome it. (And no I did not buy the T-shirts. Yet.) I'm at Belinda.Luscombe@time.com or @luscombeland on twitter. P.S. If you like this newsletter, please pass it on to a friend. And if you got it from a friend, sign up here for email delivery each Friday. You know, more or less. roundup As if all the buying of presents and planning of meals and decorating of homes were not enough, some parents choose this season to send out hilarious cards featuring their families. I just can't with those people. Even if everybody didn't already know my family business from these here newsletters, some folks are clearly so superior at that kind of thing that it would seem pointless to attempt this. So please, just enjoy.  TIME The subject of vaping has not gone unmentioned in this newsletter. Mostly, my obsession has been about why we would want to make it easier for impressionable young people to use a substance as addictive as nicotine. Where were the adults in the room when some tech genius thought it would be a good idea to offer fruit-flavored juul pods for example? There was not one parent of a teenager anywhere in the company who said "Ah, you might want to put a pause on the mango..."  As far as we know marijuana is not as addictive as nicotine, although it's somewhat more impairing to one's energy. So i'm not sure whether to be more worried or not as worried that marijuana vaping is also sharply on the rise. TIME As you MIGHT have heard, it was a bit of a mixed week for news out of Washington. Buried amid all the hoopla about the impeachment there was some positive parenting news, however. As this story points out: "Nestled in the domestic appropriations package is a measure to increase the nation's largest federal child care assistance program by half a billion dollars. The Child Care and Development Block Grant program, as it's called, provides states funds to help low-income families pay for child care, so they can work or get an education." In other words, more money for local childcare programs , to keep them affordable or to expand them into areas where the offerings are slim. I count this as a win for families. TIME Actually, do your kids have lots of questions about the impeachment, and what it means? TFK has a few articles that might be helpful in having a family conversation, including this most recent one: TIME FOR KIDS   Flu season is shaping up to be a bad one this year. And I don't need to tell you how effective children are as virus carriers. It was the only thing my children ever brought home from school with any reliability. So feel free to grab a flu shot, if you can. And you might want to help your spouse and any caregivers get them too.  TIME Holidays aren't easy for everyone, or all the time. They can be especially tough for kids who have lost a family member or are having other family issues. Those tensions can very disorienting for younger kids, who often feel things deeply, but don't always have the language to express those feelings.  So I'm bringing attention back to this advice piece of a few years back, on how to help children when holidays are difficult.  TIME But before I go, please enjoy this fake commercial, which pretty deftly sums up so many of the joys of parenting. May you and your family find real wonder and fun and laughter with each other—and no light up T-shirts among your gifts—this holiday season. See you next year!  SNL PFFT: Parenting from Famous Types Kate Hudson, Actor and parent of three on her 14-month-old, Rani Rose "She moves so fast. We'll keep her on a little rope just to keep her from moving too fast." To Unsubscribe You have received this e-mail because you are subscribed to this newsletter from TIME.com. Unsubscribe here. Update Email Click here to update your email address. Privacy Policy Please read our Privacy Policy, or copy and paste this link into your browser: https://time.com/privacy TIME may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice. For Further Communication Please contact parents@time.com TIME USA, LLC 3 Bryant Park New York, NY 10036 Connect with TIME Find TIME on Facebook Follow TIME on Twitter Subscribe to more TIME Newsletters Get TIME on your Mobile Device Get TIME on your iPad Subscribe to RSS Feed