The Hidden Truth About Parenting

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By Andrea Delbanco

Editor In Chief, TIME for Kids

“Maybe when it came to talking about parenthood, we overcorrected. We forgot to keep sharing the good stuff in addition to the bad.” So writes Lucy Huber, noting that as parents have gotten more honest about the difficulty of raising a kid, not enough people are talking about the good parts. Her essay “The Hidden Truth About Parenting Isn’t That It’s Really Hard” is a great mix of humor (no surprise, since she freelances for McSweeney’s) and honesty (like admitting that her son ate only Tater Tots for dinner).

It’s crucial for expectant and new parents to hear about the saturation of love, pride, and joy one feels while raising kids. Maybe we don’t talk about it because it seems too earnest, or self-satisfied. Now, I remember the sleeplessness and stress of infant care fondly, like a fever dream I’m sorry to be done with. But telling first-time parents to savor these special moments at 4 a.m. would reveal my current status: old and out of touch.

Huber writes: “Sometimes after my son goes to sleep, I revisit the feeling of being with him like it’s a drug. I can release endorphins just by looking at a photo of him playing with a dump truck.” I remember it well. I worshiped my babies with my whole heart when they were sleeping. It was less straightforward when they were awake.

Let’s do our part to spread positivity—in addition to honesty—when we talk about parenthood. I wish someone would write an article like this about parenting adolescents. It’s harder to revel in the love and pride one feels for people who are asserting their independence, staring at cell phones, and insisting they know best about, well, everything. The love isn’t less powerful, but the wins are less quantifiable, the milestones less clear, and the endorphins less strong. Or maybe that’s just me. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you, as always: andrea@time.com.

Best,

Andrea

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